Friday, May 30, 2014

Musical Memories

It seems that when I lost each of my dogs that certain songs brought on the tears. Now those songs bring back the memories of the ones gone ahead, some days happy memories and sometimes there's still a little tear.

Sadly, I don't recall if there was that special song for my first Sheltie Duffy.  

When my Gryffon passed I had just bought the CD by Billy Gilman for the song One Voice but two other songs on that album are the ones that now bring back Gryffon's memory to me. Gryffon was only my second dog and I thought I knew it all, as a result he wasn't well socialized. He was so shy around people, it took him a long time to get to know people and few people knew what he was really like. But as shy as he was I always felt that Gryffon would be the one to have protected me if I had ever really needed him as like the song says "there's a hero in everybody's heart".

The other song from the same album was Spend Another Night. Gryffon was my first bi-black, I had never even heard of bi-black Shelties before.  When I was beginning to think about another puppy, I asked a work colleague to let friends of his who were breeders know that I was interested in getting a puppy. He came into work the very next day and said they had two puppies ready to go and off we went at lunch to see them. Both bi-black, a female and a male; the female was more outgoing but Gryffon stole my heart right there and then. 

I instantly knew
When I saw you
You and I would be forever
Hearts never apart
True from the start
To each other and together
There's nothing we can't do
And until the end of time
If you tell me you'll be mine

I'm never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
For the rest of my life
I'm gonna reach out to you honestly
And try
To give you what you need
With all of my might
'Cause nothing has ever felt
So real and so right
So I'm gonna never spend another night
Without you in my dreams

'Cause you
Are so in my heart
Even alone in the dark
I can feel the light of our love shining
We are so meant to be
That we are definitely
And there's no denying
That I love you
Though it's so cliché
There's nothing else to say

But I'm never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
For the rest of my life
I'm gonna reach out to you
Honestly and try
To give you what you need
With all of my might
'Cause nothing has ever felt so
Real and so right
So I'm never gonna
Never gonna
Never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
I'm never gonna spend another night

I lost Gryffon to an abdominal wall infection at 7 and a half years old. He had been treated for gastrointestinal infections, bladder stones, and for an ulcer before they did exploratory surgery and found that his intestines had adhered to his body wall. The cause of the infection was unknown. 

For Ceilidh, every second song on the radio while we were on the journey with cancer seemed to have meaning. 

There's Mariannas Trench - Beside You

When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
And if your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you, I'll be right beside you
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
And the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud
And if your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you, I'll be right beside you
I will stay, nobody will break you
Trust in me, trust in me, don't pull away
Just trust in me, trust me 'cause I'm just trying to keep it together
'Cause I could do worse and you could do better
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you, nobody will break you
And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you (I will stay beside you)
Nobody will break you

Nickelback's Never Gonna be Alone.

You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
You're never gonna be alone
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Both of those songs seem to describe what we went through on that journey and that's what I tried to do was hold on with both hands but in the end all I could do was hold her until the hurt was gone.

Tucker was the first of my dogs to pass away at home. Duffy and Gryffon were both already at the vet's office. For Duffy, who had age-related kidney failure, I had brought him in and made the decision to let him go the next day. He passed away while I waited for my parents to arrive as I didn't want to be alone. Gryffon passed away following the exploratory surgery. He made it out of surgery and I thought about going to see him that evening but decided to wait until the next morning. My vet had told me that the first 24 hrs would be critical, he didn't make it so I didn't get to see him that one last time. I was with Tucker all through that last night so that made his passing somewhat easier than all the others. Both of his songs are songs by Lynn Miles, one song Fearless Heart describes me rather than Tucker as Tucker was a fearless heart and the other since it was our Good Bye.

Fearless Heart

I wish I had a quiet mind
cool water and sweet old time
and the answer to everything
good luck and pair of wings
I wish I knew which way to turn
I could remember every lesson I've learned
I wish the world was a kinder place 
and I could put a smile on your beautiful face
I wish I had a fearless heart
I wish I wouldn't fall apart
I wish I know how to make a start
I wish I had a fearless heart 
I wish I had a fearless heart
I wish I could leave the past behind
I wish I had a straighter line
a better view and a cleaner mess
new shoes and a party dress
I wish there was a golden sun
enough love for everyone
I wish this didn't have to hurt so bad
feel so crazy be so sad
I wish that I was brave and cool
and I could break my own rules
I wish that I could face the truth

I wish that I was bullet proof

Tonight that video of Tucker and song Goodbye made me smile. I also wouldn't want you all to think that all the songs that bring back memories are melancholy. There are happy songs too, Little Bitty Pretty One for Ceilidh comes to mind and the Beach Boys Get Around for Tucker.   But I guess that's the way memories are; all of the sights and sounds of our lives linked in our minds. 

And those that are not forgotten are never truly gone. 

Good Night Duffy, Gryffon, Tucker and Ceilidh, sweet dreams. 

Monday, May 26, 2014

Mish Mash Monday

Been thinking about my baby girl this past week; it's been four years since I lost her, I don't feel the pain of her loss any more but sometimes just a little like something is missing.

Kelbren Ceilidh Everlasting - 21 Jan 2003 to 26 May 2010

Ceilidh - Apr 2003
Ceilidh - AAC Nationals 2009
Ceilidh in the snow
My beautiful girl! 
Gone from my sight but forever in my heart!

Friday, May 23, 2014

Wedding Weekend

Whew, what a whirlwind of activity we had last weekend. I was totally exhausted by the time it was over.

My sister and niece arrived from Alberta on Thursday morning at 5:30 am; I had to get up earlier than I would have for work to pick them up at the airport.  Later that afternoon, two more of my nieces arrived from Prince Edward Island so it was back to the airport to pick them up. All of this company was arriving for my nephew's wedding which was being held on Saturday.

But before the wedding, there was on Friday, the graduation of a young cousin from the Royal Military College of Canada. My sister, Annette and I made the two hour drive from Ottawa to Kingston to see the graduation parade. The parade had to be moved indoors on account of the rain so it wasn't the spectacle that it should have been.  Our view of the parade was of the junior wing so we actually didn't see much of the graduating class from where we were seated.

We had lunch afterwards with our aunt, my Dad's half sister, and then started the long drive back to Ottawa. All of my nieces had stayed in Ottawa and had gone downtown to see the sites. Unfortunately, they had the same weather in Ottawa as we did in Kingston so mostly all they did was some shopping.  You can read about their day at Uniquely Alyssa.

Friday evening was the rehearsal dinner so when Annette and I arrived back at my place, all we had time to do was feed the dogs, let them out for a bit and finish the salads we were taking over to the dinner. Then it was off to my sister Juanita's place (mother of the groom).  We had a lovely buffet supper. After dinner all of my nieces went with the wedding party to decorate the room at the golf club where the reception was to be held and Annette and I went back home. Two early mornings, I was already tired, luckily the wedding wasn't until the afternoon on Saturday.

The next morning dawned bright but chilly, I thought it was going to be a beautiful day but later on it got quite overcast. We were thankful that although it never warmed up much, at least it didn't rain.  My youngest sister and her boyfriend arrived early afternoon from Toronto, now the house was full. We decided to go to the chapel early as it was located on the grounds of the Cumberland Heritage Village Museum and we had free admission that day as wedding guests so this gave us a bit of a chance to walk around.

After seeing a few of the buildings at the museum, some of the animals and having a demonstration of type-set printing we headed back to the church.

It was a lovely service but the ring bearer, my great-nephew and the flower girl, the bride and groom's god child nearly stole the show.  I think actors have a saying about never sharing the stage with children or animals, well that's what the bride and groom had to do was share the spotlight especially with my great-nephew who thought he should have the best seat in the house.

A little blurry but you get the idea.

After the service there was the requisite photos of the wedding party. I'm sure had it been warmer, the pictures would have taken longer but since it was so chilly everyone was eager to get to the golf course club house. I made those driving with me wait until I could take a  few pictures of the bride and groom with the antique truck that was my brother-in-law's but is now my nephew's.

With this ring...

Husband and wife

The groom's family


And one of the pictures with the truck
The reception location was beautiful and they had done a very nice job decorating. The meal was a buffet including a build-your-own pasta buffet. I ate far too much but still had room for wedding cake.

The wedding cake

Reception venue

Cutting the cake

Our name cards
Since the dogs had been home alone since 2 pm in the afternoon, I started trying to get our group to leave at about 11:30; I think it was after midnight we left. Needless to say, a good time was had by all.

Back at my place we had a few more drinks and then crashed. I think it was nearly 2 am when I went to bed after having e-mailed some wedding photos to my brother-in-law's sister so that she could see her nephew's wedding. The next morning came far too early so we were somewhat late for the wedding brunch, it started at 10 am and we all arrived at 11 am. There were no pancakes left but there was still lots of sausage, bacon, eggs, coffee and juice. After all we had eaten the night before, it's funny how hungry you are the next morning, must have been all the dancing.

The bride and groom left on their honeymoon that evening so they have not had the chance to open their wedding gifts. They'll need a day to open all the gifts and cards. I had a handmade quilt made for them and I can't wait to hear if they like it or not. The bride made the bridesmaids' and flower girl's dresses so I am sure she will appreciate the work that goes into it. The quilt and some cash was a gift from my mother and me. My Mum wanted so badly to be at the wedding; her first grandchild to be married but with her health it is just impossible.

The gift table
My wedding gift

The quilt - Gemma

Quilt detail
After the brunch, we headed back home to relax, boy I needed it.  Maureen, my youngest sister left later that afternoon for Kingston where Steve's daughters live.  The rest of us just relaxed but later that evening went back over to Juanita and Joe's just to have a little more time to visit.

Monday morning, Juanita and Joe came to take my nieces to the airport. I would take Annette and her daughter a few hours later. And so the whirlwind weekend was nearly over, I still had Tuesday off. I took the extra day knowing I would need it and I sure did as it wasn't until Tuesday that I did laundry and mowed the lawn.

Next year, we'll get to do it all over again.  Annette's daughter has been engaged for about a year; they recently selected a date for next summer and the wedding gown is already purchased.