Friday, May 30, 2014

Musical Memories

It seems that when I lost each of my dogs that certain songs brought on the tears. Now those songs bring back the memories of the ones gone ahead, some days happy memories and sometimes there's still a little tear.

Sadly, I don't recall if there was that special song for my first Sheltie Duffy.  




When my Gryffon passed I had just bought the CD by Billy Gilman for the song One Voice but two other songs on that album are the ones that now bring back Gryffon's memory to me. Gryffon was only my second dog and I thought I knew it all, as a result he wasn't well socialized. He was so shy around people, it took him a long time to get to know people and few people knew what he was really like. But as shy as he was I always felt that Gryffon would be the one to have protected me if I had ever really needed him as like the song says "there's a hero in everybody's heart".






The other song from the same album was Spend Another Night. Gryffon was my first bi-black, I had never even heard of bi-black Shelties before.  When I was beginning to think about another puppy, I asked a work colleague to let friends of his who were breeders know that I was interested in getting a puppy. He came into work the very next day and said they had two puppies ready to go and off we went at lunch to see them. Both bi-black, a female and a male; the female was more outgoing but Gryffon stole my heart right there and then. 



I instantly knew
When I saw you
You and I would be forever
Hearts never apart
True from the start
To each other and together
There's nothing we can't do
And until the end of time
If you tell me you'll be mine

I'm never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
For the rest of my life
I'm gonna reach out to you honestly
And try
To give you what you need
With all of my might
'Cause nothing has ever felt
So real and so right
So I'm gonna never spend another night
Without you in my dreams

'Cause you
Are so in my heart
Even alone in the dark
I can feel the light of our love shining
We are so meant to be
That we are definitely
Destiny
And there's no denying
That I love you
Though it's so cliché
There's nothing else to say

But I'm never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
For the rest of my life
I'm gonna reach out to you
Honestly and try
To give you what you need
With all of my might
'Cause nothing has ever felt so
Real and so right
So I'm never gonna
Never gonna
Never gonna spend another night
Without you in my dreams
I'm never gonna spend another night


I lost Gryffon to an abdominal wall infection at 7 and a half years old. He had been treated for gastrointestinal infections, bladder stones, and for an ulcer before they did exploratory surgery and found that his intestines had adhered to his body wall. The cause of the infection was unknown. 

For Ceilidh, every second song on the radio while we were on the journey with cancer seemed to have meaning. 




There's Mariannas Trench - Beside You


When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
And if your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you, I'll be right beside you
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
And the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud
And if your heart wears thin, I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you, I'll be right beside you
I will stay, nobody will break you
Trust in me, trust in me, don't pull away
Just trust in me, trust me 'cause I'm just trying to keep it together
'Cause I could do worse and you could do better
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you, nobody will break you
And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you (I will stay beside you)
Nobody will break you


Nickelback's Never Gonna be Alone.


You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
You're never gonna be alone
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.


Both of those songs seem to describe what we went through on that journey and that's what I tried to do was hold on with both hands but in the end all I could do was hold her until the hurt was gone.




Tucker was the first of my dogs to pass away at home. Duffy and Gryffon were both already at the vet's office. For Duffy, who had age-related kidney failure, I had brought him in and made the decision to let him go the next day. He passed away while I waited for my parents to arrive as I didn't want to be alone. Gryffon passed away following the exploratory surgery. He made it out of surgery and I thought about going to see him that evening but decided to wait until the next morning. My vet had told me that the first 24 hrs would be critical, he didn't make it so I didn't get to see him that one last time. I was with Tucker all through that last night so that made his passing somewhat easier than all the others. Both of his songs are songs by Lynn Miles, one song Fearless Heart describes me rather than Tucker as Tucker was a fearless heart and the other since it was our Good Bye.

Fearless Heart

I wish I had a quiet mind
cool water and sweet old time
and the answer to everything
good luck and pair of wings
I wish I knew which way to turn
I could remember every lesson I've learned
I wish the world was a kinder place 
and I could put a smile on your beautiful face
I wish I had a fearless heart
I wish I wouldn't fall apart
I wish I know how to make a start
I wish I had a fearless heart 
I wish I had a fearless heart
I wish I could leave the past behind
I wish I had a straighter line
a better view and a cleaner mess
new shoes and a party dress
I wish there was a golden sun
enough love for everyone
I wish this didn't have to hurt so bad
feel so crazy be so sad
I wish that I was brave and cool
and I could break my own rules
I wish that I could face the truth

I wish that I was bullet proof




Tonight that video of Tucker and song Goodbye made me smile. I also wouldn't want you all to think that all the songs that bring back memories are melancholy. There are happy songs too, Little Bitty Pretty One for Ceilidh comes to mind and the Beach Boys Get Around for Tucker.   But I guess that's the way memories are; all of the sights and sounds of our lives linked in our minds. 

And those that are not forgotten are never truly gone. 

Good Night Duffy, Gryffon, Tucker and Ceilidh, sweet dreams. 



4 comments:

  1. Sweet memories. They are gone but never forgotten. They take a piece of our heart with them and return give us a piece of theirs. We too sit back and remember. Bitter sweet. Have a super Saturday.
    best wishes Molly

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  2. that is how Mom remembers too -she has special songs for all special events. Those were wonderful choices for your furbabies

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  3. what gorgeous songs for such beautiful memories. xoxo

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  4. I too have songs for my dogs...not even sure how they end up being 'their' songs, but they do. They are always in our hearts.

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