Helen's Home World: Ceilidh's Journey

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Ceilidh's Journey - Week 14

Two weeks ago, we were over the moon when Ceilidh and I ran one of her best runs ever and it was in Snooker, no less. It felt almost like her first Masters Jumpers Q where I felt we were connected by an invisible band while at the same time having the feeling I was watching the run a split second before it happened. It was a really cool feeling that I never told anyone about for months, thinking they might think I was crazy. I've run every run since then to have that feeling of being completely at one with my canine partner. This Snooker run at Morning Star was almost like that, there were a couple of moments when I thought she was going to spin in front of a tunnel, but for the most part we were totally in sync with each other. We finished our opening and the close all within time, crossing the finish line at just over 57 seconds, a Qualifying score and first place. This was Ceilidh's second Masters Snooker. Since returning to agility after her surgery in Jan, she has given me some wonderful memories, her second Masters Standard, her first Masters Gamblers, her first Masters Team and that beautiful Snooker run. She is only 6 qualifying scores from her Agility Trial Champion Title.

Last Sunday we were at Dream Fields, no Q's but Ceilidh still enjoyed some wonderful moments on course. But late Sunday night, I noticed her licking herself and found what I thought was another tumour in her groin area. I was flying out to Washington D.C. the next day so I could do nothing about it until my return. On Friday afternoon, I was able to get her back into see Dr Bravo at Alta Vista. It was worse than a tumour, the swelling I felt was a lymph node; the cancer is now in her lymph system. Dr Bravo recommended surgery to remove the lymph node and to start her on the other chemotherapy. Tomorrow, 19 May 2010, we see Dr Liptak for a surgical consult, if I go ahead with surgery, Ceilidh will have the lymph node removed on Thursday, 20 May 2010 and then will begin another round of chemo ten days later.

I'm not sure whether I should put her through all of this. I thought once we stopped the Palladia, her appetite would get better. It's gotten worse, yesterday and today all I could get her to eat was ice cream, some white bread, and baked beans, she won't even eat the highly favoured chicken hot dogs something she's always wanted even with all the pills I've stuffed in them.

I withdrew her from Ontario Regionals which are being held two weeks from now as well as from the All Dogs trial in June. I had hoped to get her Masters Agility Dog title but now it seems as that is not to be; my wonderful crazy Ceilidh has become an old tired girl in front of my eyes.

And on top of dealing with Ceilidh, my older Sheltie Tucker was in to the vet's office four times today, 18 May 2010, for blood tests for hypothyroidism and Cushings. The results of those tests will be in tomorrow, hopefully we will get some good news there.

Sometimes life is just cruel.

1 comment:

andreaMay 23, 2010 at 4:57 PM
aww helen I'm so sad for you both

hang in there
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Agility Blessing

May the tunnels not have too much suction,
May the course be fun and fast.
May your dog not stop to say "hello" to the photographers they pass!
May the table not be too slippery,
May the chute house no scary beasts,
May all the yellow parts be touched with one little toe, at least
May the wind be always at your back,
May no bars fall on the ground,
May the A-frame have no stop sign on the top,
May the judge's whistle never sound.
May your dog obey all correct commands,
And ignore the ones that are wrong.
May your heart be light, your feet be sure, and the bond with your dog grow strong.
At the finish line, may great joy abound, regardless of your score,
You have your dog, your dog has you, and who could ask for more?

Written by: PJ Hughes

What is a Title!

Not just a brag, not just a stepping stone to a higher title, not just an adjunct to competitive scores. A Title is a tribute to the dog that bears it, a way to honor that dog, an ultimate memorial. It will remain in the record and in the memory for about as long as anything in this world can remain. Few humans will do as well or better in that regard, and though the dog himself doesn't know or care that his achievements have been noted, a Title says many things in the world of humans, where such things count.

A Title says your dog was intelligent, and adaptable, and good natured. It says that your dog loved you enough to do the things that please you, however crazy they may have sometimes seemed. And a Title says that you loved your dog, that you loved to spend time with him because he was a good dog, and that you believed in him enough to give him yet another chance when he failed, and that in the end your faith was justified.

A Title proves that your dog inspired you to have the special relationship enjoyed by so few, that in the world of disposable creatures, this dog with a Title was greatly loved, and loved greatly in return. And when that dear short life is over, the Title remains as a memorial of the finest kind, the best you can give to a deserving friend, volumes of praise in one small set of initials before or after the name.

A Title is nothing less than love and respect, given and received, permanently recorded.

Written by Sandy Mowery, Wisconsin

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.

You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.

We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end

And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.

Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;

We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Author Unknown

Beyond the Rainbow

As much as I loved the life we had and all the times we played,

I was so very tired and knew my time on earth would fade.

I saw a wondrous image then of a place that’s trouble-free,

Where all of us can meet again to spend eternity.

I saw the most beautiful Rainbow, and on the other side

Were animals of every sort as healthy as could be!

My own tired, failing body was fresh and healed and new

I wanted to run with them, but I had something left to do.

I needed to reach out to you, and tell you I’m alright

That this place is truly wonderful,

Then a bright Glow pierced the night.

Twas the Glow of many candles shining bright, strong and bold

I knew then that it held your love in its brilliant shades of gold.

For although we may not be together in the way we used to be,

We are still connected by a cord no eye can see.

So, whenever you need to find me, we’re never far apart,

If you look beyond the Rainbow and listen with your heart.

Do you think the time is right?

May I say goodbye to pain filled days and endless lonely nights?
I've lived my life and done my best, an example tried to be.
So can I take that step beyond, and set my spirit free?
I didn't want to go at first, I fought with all my might.
But something seems to draw me now to a warm and living light.
I want to go, I really do; it's difficult to stay.
But I will try as best I can to live just one more day.
To give you time to care for me and share your love and fears.
I know you're sad and afraid, because I see your tears.
I'll not be far, I promise that, and hope you'll always know,
That my spirit will be close to you wherever you may go.
Thank you so for loving me. You know I love you too,
And that's why it's so hard to say goodbye and end this life with you.
So hold me now just one more time and let me hear you say,
Because you care so much for me, you'll let me go today.

I Loved You Best

So this is where we part, My Friend,

And you'll run on, around the bend.

Gone from sight, but not from mind,

new pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on; I'll find the strength,

Life measures quality, not its length.

One long embrace before you leave,

Share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true,

But they be they, and they aren't you.

And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,

Will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,

The fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.

And as you journey to your final rest,

Take with you this...I loved you best.

-Jim Willis

The Price We Pay

There is a cycle of love and death that shapes the lives of those who choose to travel in the company of animals.

It is a cycle unlike any other.

To those who have never lived through it's turnings and walked it's rocky path, our willingness to give our hearts with the full knowledge it will be broken seems incomprehensible.

Only we know how small price we pay for what we receive; our grief, no matter how powerful it may be, is an insufficient measure of the joy we have been given.

Suzanne Clother