Candle Lighting - Canine Cancer

When Ceilidh was diagnosed with mast cell cancer, at the first appointment with the oncologist I was given a list of online resources. One of the resources was a Canine Cancer Yahoo group; I joined that group and found a lot of support from people who were going through or had gone through the same journey. Dogs fighting cancer were referred to as Canine Cancer Heros. When your dog transitioned to the Bridge, they were then called Canine Cancer Angels and  you were invited to another group Canine Cancer Angels. When you joined the Angels group, one of the members made banner for your dog, below is the one that was made for Ceilidh.

In the Angels group, I found out about Sierra's Annual Candle Lighting. The host had lost her dog Sierra to cancer and every year she hosted a candle lighting where a candle was lit to remember the dogs we'd lost and a second candle lit for those still fighting.  She also had a physical candle lighting at her place in Maine where all the dogs in the Angels group had a stake with their name.  I watched videos and asked other members who were able to physically attend to take pictures of Ceilidh's candle.

I've done my own candle lightings sometimes in my small gardens and sometimes indoors, even once when I was down in New Brunswick visiting my father. Sadly and inevitably, my candle lighting has grown over the years.

Candle Lighting 2019

Candle Lighting 2025

So too, has Sierra's Candle Lighting in Maine grown in size.  There were over 2000 stakes to remember the dogs we have loved and lost to cancer at this year's candle lighting.  This year is the last candle lighting in Maine as the host is moving, some 23 years after holding the first candle lighting for her dog Sierra. I have remembered my Ceilidh at that candle lighting now for 15 years. I had always hoped to actually attend but now that is not to be. 

Video of the 2025 Candle Lighting in Maine

The host of the candle lighting will be moving but hopes that we will continue to have the candle lighting virtually; lighting one candle for those fighting cancer and another for all those we've lost on the last Saturday in July. 

Video of the 2004 Candle Lighting

I haven't lost all of my dogs to cancer but the candle lighting seems a good way to remember them all. It's more bittersweet than sad to do it now. They were all such good dogs and some didn't have the time they should have had.

My Candle Lighting video from 2021

"Though these candles burn to honour you, they burn for those you left behind."

Silent Sunday

 Remembering those dogs I have loved and lost. I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance.

Keltic

Beckett

Ceilidh

Tucker

Duffy

Gryffon

Candle Lighting 2021 Video

RIP Joker

December 20, 2007 - February 2, 2016

Another of our area agility dogs has been taken too soon because of cancer. Joker was in remission since last spring so his family was just starting to think they had beaten this awful disease but it reared it's ugly head once again and, this time, they had to let Joker pass over to the Bridge. He will be sorely missed by all who knew him but no one will miss him as much as his Mum will miss him; he was her heart dog. And to make matters worse, her husband is also fighting his own battle with cancer.  Cancer just sucks.

Ceilidh Remembered

Today, marks what would have been Ceilidh's 10th birthday. She's been gone over two years now and I still find that I miss her, some days just terribly. Maybe it's because her life was cut short or maybe because I just miss her quiet presence.

As quiet as she was (most of the time anyway), she was a little firecracker in the agility ring. She gave me some of my most memorable runs and not necessarily for the Q's but for the energy she brought to the game. My most memorable run was her first Masters Jumpers run which was her first Masters Q. I felt throughout the run that I was seeing it a split second before it happened, it was like watching a movie, but at the same time I felt we were connected by a band from my chest to hers, every little move I made was reflected in her movement.  The last three jumps of the run were straight down one side of the ring and there this connection ended and I watched her fly away from me to clear those last three jumps. I never told anyone for months about how the run had felt to me, I thought that they would think me crazy or something.  It was the most exhilarating feeling; every run since then has been to see if I could once again be so in sync with my canine partner and feel that way again. Ceilidh's last Q, a fantastic Snooker run gave me very nearly the same feeling; maybe she wanted to leave me with that wonderful feeling once again.

Ceilidh - 2007 AAC Ontario Regionals

Ceilidh - 2009 AAC Nationals

Ceilidh - 2009 AAC Ontario Regionals

Ceilidh and I were lucky enough to qualify for Nationals before she passed away. She even managed a 7th place finish in one event at Nationals, surprisingly in Gamblers the one event in which she never got a Masters Q. There's a lot to be said for no refusals in the Main Gamble.

This year Beckett surpassed her on the AAC Top Dogs list and that made me a little sad, not because he had passed her but because SHE wasn't still running the agility game. I'm sure she would have been an awesome little veteran dog, who may have even finally achieved her ATChC (darn those stupid Gamblers); but in any case she still is the Champion of my Heart.

Ceilidh Dreams

Ceilidh was not one who liked to be picked up and hugged, her idea of a cuddle was to rest her muzzle on my thigh and let me scratch her gently behind the ears, besides running in the agility ring with her, I think I miss that the most. I dreamt of Ceilidh last week but in my dream her name was Joy; that's pretty fitting though as she was a joy to me.

I'm sure she'll be waiting for me at the Bridge but today I hope she's having a wonderful party to celebrate her 10th birthday.

Wordless Wednesday

Ceilidh's Candle

To mark the anniversary of the passing of my crazy Ceilidh girl.

Ceilidh's Journey - The Last Post

Kelbren Ceilidh Everlasting - 21 Jan 2003 to 26 May 2010

On 26 May 2010, I let my little princess go to Rainbow Bridge. We had our surgical consult on 14 May but as Ceilidh had not been eating well, Dr Liptak wanted to wait until she was eating better before putting her through the additional stress of surgery. Things didn't get better, Ceilidh hardly ate anything and on the Friday evening before the Victoria Day long weekend, she was barely drinking and having dry heaves. I contacted Dr Bravo's Vet tech, Donna Dempsie, who thought that I should bring Ceilidh into see the emergency vet at Alta Vista as she was likely getting dehydrated. Ceilidh stayed at Alta Vista until Sunday afternoon on fluid therapy and getting all of her medications by injection. I picked her up expecting her to have a little more energy but she was still very listless, although she was no longer retching. Monday, all I could get her to eat was MacDonald's French fries and a little chicken. I asked my sister to make arrangements to come with me on Wed to let her go. On Tues morning, Ceilidh was more alert and had breakfast with us, peanut butter and jam on toast. I debated whether or not I should call Alta Vista to make the appointment to let her go. I called later that morning and Donna told me that if for any reason I wanted to cancel not to hesitate. Tuesday evening, Tucker and Ceilidh laid by the fireplace together. I had never seen them that close; I think Tucker knew what was about to happen. Wed morning, Ceilidh again ate peanut butter and jam on toast but she laid by the fireplace and I had to bring it over to her. My sister arrived about 9:30 am, Ceilidh tried to get up and couldn't, when I helped her up, she couldn't stand. Her eyes were so tired and filled with dismay. At Alta Vista, they made the process very gentle. Ceilidh rested on my lap on a comfortable sofa and when we were ready, Dr Bravo gave her the injection to release her from the fight against this terrible disease. I received the call from Alta Vista today that her urn is back so later this week, probably Friday evening, Ceilidh will be home with me once again.

Ceilidh's Journey - Week 14

Two weeks ago, we were over the moon when Ceilidh and I ran one of her best runs ever and it was in Snooker, no less. It felt almost like her first Masters Jumpers Q where I felt we were connected by an invisible band while at the same time having the feeling I was watching the run a split second before it happened. It was a really cool feeling that I never told anyone about for months, thinking they might think I was crazy. I've run every run since then to have that feeling of being completely at one with my canine partner. This Snooker run at Morning Star was almost like that, there were a couple of moments when I thought she was going to spin in front of a tunnel, but for the most part we were totally in sync with each other. We finished our opening and the close all within time, crossing the finish line at just over 57 seconds, a Qualifying score and first place. This was Ceilidh's second Masters Snooker. Since returning to agility after her surgery in Jan, she has given me some wonderful memories, her second Masters Standard, her first Masters Gamblers, her first Masters Team and that beautiful Snooker run. She is only 6 qualifying scores from her Agility Trial Champion Title.

Last Sunday we were at Dream Fields, no Q's but Ceilidh still enjoyed some wonderful moments on course. But late Sunday night, I noticed her licking herself and found what I thought was another tumour in her groin area. I was flying out to Washington D.C. the next day so I could do nothing about it until my return. On Friday afternoon, I was able to get her back into see Dr Bravo at Alta Vista. It was worse than a tumour, the swelling I felt was a lymph node; the cancer is now in her lymph system. Dr Bravo recommended surgery to remove the lymph node and to start her on the other chemotherapy. Tomorrow, 19 May 2010, we see Dr Liptak for a surgical consult, if I go ahead with surgery, Ceilidh will have the lymph node removed on Thursday, 20 May 2010 and then will begin another round of chemo ten days later.

I'm not sure whether I should put her through all of this. I thought once we stopped the Palladia, her appetite would get better. It's gotten worse, yesterday and today all I could get her to eat was ice cream, some white bread, and baked beans, she won't even eat the highly favoured chicken hot dogs something she's always wanted even with all the pills I've stuffed in them.

I withdrew her from Ontario Regionals which are being held two weeks from now as well as from the All Dogs trial in June. I had hoped to get her Masters Agility Dog title but now it seems as that is not to be; my wonderful crazy Ceilidh has become an old tired girl in front of my eyes.

And on top of dealing with Ceilidh, my older Sheltie Tucker was in to the vet's office four times today, 18 May 2010, for blood tests for hypothyroidism and Cushings. The results of those tests will be in tomorrow, hopefully we will get some good news there.

Sometimes life is just cruel.

Ceilidh's Journey - Week 7

This week I had a scare when I came home on Wednesday to find that Ceilidh had had diarrhea and had vomited bile. The diarrhea had some blood in it. I cleaned everything all up and called the animal hospital, the vet tech advised me to take her off Palladia and she would speak to Dr Bravo the oncologist on Friday. On Thursday, Ceilidh again had diarrhea but there was no blood in it and she hadn't vomitted. Ceilidh is now on an anti diarrhea medication and if she doesn't have any diarrhea over the weekend, she will have her next dose of Palladia on Monday. Her stomach must have been very upset as she didn't want to eat much at all, even the poached chicken that I had made. Today, she ate much better. I bought her some high protein kibble and some high protein wet dog food. I also bought a bunch of stuff to entice her to take her pills or to eat a bit for the next time anything like this happens, canned salmon, sardines and pate.

Today, I started to get my agility equipment out of the shed. It was a bit nippy today so I didn't get it all out and I really want to rake the lawn first. And in any case, I'll be going home this week to visit with my parents for Easter so there wouldn't be that much time to use it before I go anyway. I hope Ceilidh is alright while I'm gone and that Juanita and Joe don't have any problems. I hate the idea of missing any time with her each day is so important now.

Ceilidh's Journey - Week 4

Ceilidh had her second recheck today, 5 Mar 2010 with Dr Bravo, the oncologist at Alta Vista Animal Hospital. Ceilidh had maintained her weight; last time she had lost 0.3 kgs in two weeks. At this recheck, they did blood work which came back as normal. Dr Bravo kept Ceilidh's chemotherapy medications at the same dosage but did reduce the amount of Prednisone she is getting as Ceilidh had been showing some aggression to my puppy Beckett and had become incontinent when she slept. I have also noticed some change in her appetite which might be due to a little nausea or maybe her jaw is painful as it was her kibble and sweet potato treats that she stopped eating. I found her some softer jerky treats and am now putting liquid in her kibble and warming it up. I have also added some cottage cheese to her diet as it is a natural anti-histamine and soothes the stomach as well. Our next recheck will be the Friday after Easter, 9 Apr 2010. Hopefully, we will have no new bumps or lumps to worry about during that time.

Tomorrow we are going to an agility fun trial. Ceilidh will get to do two Gamble runs. The first real agility she's done since Nov. Next weekend, we will go to an agility trial where Ceilidh will get to do her first runs as a Veteran agility dog.

Our next steps will be to slowly change her diet to a grain-free kibble and to make an appointment to see the holistic vet, Dr Beltran at Blair Animal Hospital.

We are guardedly optimistic now that we will be able to compete at Regionals and enjoy a wonderful summer together.

Ceilidh's Journey - Week 3

We've now completed week 3 on Ceilidh's journey with Palladia, a chemotherapy drug for dogs with Mast Cell tumours. She had two occasions when she brought up stomach bile but these episodes did not affect her appetite. She's becoming more incontinent, so now the places where she likes to nap are covered with blankets or towels. The things that do concern me are that she's becoming more reactive to Beckett, he seems to think it's just a game but I worry that she will become more aggressive with time because of the steroids but even though she's more reactive, she is also quieter and it's not a thoughtful quiet like she used to be but rather a dull quiet that you see in someone that doesn't feel well. We have our next recheck on Friday, 5 Mar 2010. They will do blood work on that visit to compare with the baseline tests done a month ago. If all is well our next recheck will be in a month. And if her blood work is fine, Ceilidh will do an agility fun trial on Saturday 6 Mar 2010. How she does at the fun trial will help me make the decision on whether to enter her in the Ontario Agility Regional Championship in May.

Rollecoaster Ride

Well again it's been quite a while since my last post so I'll have to recap the past few months.

In August, we attended the AAC National Agility Championships held right here in Ottawa. Tucker was again very consistent but even though the weather wasn't all that hot, he was going very slow by the end of the weekend. He managed to place 7th overall in his height class, 6" DD Veterans and he was never in last place. It rained for part of the weekend and Tucker nearly slid off the A-frame as it was a little slippery. He must have pulled something as since that time he has not done an A-frame in competition. I had him out to a training facility recently and we put the A-frame down to about four feet, after putting him over it on a leash a couple times, he seemed to have no problem with it at that height. I hope to get back out and see if he'll do a full height frame.

Ceilidh really surprised me at Nationals. She was quite consistent and even managed to get one of the Gambles which earned her a 7th place in that event. She ended up 17th overall just about in the middle of the pack for her height class, 10" Specials. We also acheived our other goals for 2009. She got a qualifying score in a Masters event other than Jumpers, when she got a Masters Snooker at an All Dog Sports Club trial. She also got her Expert Bronze Jumpers title this year.

Tucker also got his Expert Bronze Jumpers and is one qualifying score from his Expert Bronze Team and the Bronze Versatility Dog title. We didn't manage to get that last Q as the last two Team events that Tucker was entered in had the A-frame on both sides. I ran one with a friend as a partner so we knew going in we wouldn't Q and the other, since I had entered the draw for a partner, I had to withdraw from as that would not have been fair to the other team.

I had been thinking about getting a rescue dog but in August, I found a puppy that was available not far from Ottawa. It was a bi-black male and his picture online was just adorable. Needless to say, I ended up getting a puppy rather than an older rescue. I got Beckett on the Saturday of Labour Day weekend. My Dad had come up to visit and we were able to combine my going to pick up the puppy in Oshawa with a visit to my sister's in Kingston. Everything was going great. Labour Day Monday was beautiful and Dad and I decided to take all the dogs to the park. While playing with some other Shelties, Beckett got stepped on and his leg was broken. Dad and I spent 5 hours at Alta Vista Animal Hospital waiting for x-rays. At first they said it was just dislocated but when I went back the next week for the recheck, they found that it was indeed a clean break. Beckett ended up in a splint for nearly 6 weeks. I was very lucky through it all to have a friend who came and got him everyday as there was no way I could crate him all day.

We did a few trials in the fall and Ceilidh had some nice runs. One Masters Standard run at Morning Star, her last as a Special, saw her do tunnels layered with the dogwalk. I was really surprised that she didn't either spin or come back out under the dog walk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3So-VclzUU8

We've been on an agility hiatus since the end of Nov, our next trials were to be in March but the latest events have turned our world upside down.

On New Years Day, we went to Red Gate to practice and when I lifted Ceilidh in the car, I felt what I thought was a mat of hair. The next day, when I went to comb it out, I found that it was in fact an open sore with hair stuck to it. I got it cleaned up and took Ceilidh right over to my vets office. There, they did a needle biopsy and sent us home with antibiotics as there was some infection. The pathology report came back on Monday 4 Jan 2010; it is a mast cell tumour. And then the real rollercoaster ride began. We had blood tests done which came back normal so my vet recommended seeing the oncologist at Alta Vista. At Alta Vista, they did an ultrasound and urine analysis, both of which came back normal. Good news, as it means the cancer had not spread. Ceilidh had surgery to remove the tumour on 21 Jan 2010, her 7th birthday. The surgeon was able to get it all along with 2cm margins. Now we will wait for the pathology report and hope that it's good news and that the tumour was a Grade I tumour and that the margins are clean. That's the best chance for a recovery; dirty margins or a higher grade tumour will likely mean chemotherapy. I hope that things will go well for my little girl and that we will get a chance to have more exciting runs in the agility ring as a Veteran.

Little Beckett also had his little snip operation on the same day as Ceilidh's surgery. He started obedience classes the week before and will go to a puppy agility seminar in Feb.

So the latter half of 2009 had some real highs (Nationals) and lows (Beckett breaking his leg) and the start of 2010 has been a real emotional rollercoaster ride. And the ride isn't over yet.